Mid 2015 marked my 1.5 years of working at a place I’d dreamed of the moment my business dreams came to be. I wanted to work for a large company as soon as I chose business as my career in grade 11. No, not as a slave at the Big 4 (I’m an accountant by trade) – but somewhere that people spoke highly of – a Fortune 500. And then I did it, thinking that I finally hit the revered jackpot, skipping away from the humble small business world where I had first started my career.
In Western society we’re raised to stay “safe”, keep decision-making conservative, and lean towards being risk-averse. Apparently this had gotten into my head so well that at the age of 20 – in the midst of my undergraduate degree – I was already researching ways to freeze my eggs. Just like my savings, I was not going to take any risks with my reproductive system – I wanted all options that life had to offer. Best eggs I could have in 15-20 years? Sign me up. Of course, at that point I didn’t have the financial means to support my star lineage.
But I did 7 years later. And at this huge corporate job that I had finally acquired – I was bored. I was literally so bored out of my mind at this “secure” corporate job that one day I opened up Chrome in Incognito mode and typed in “how to go to Antarctica”. There is no rhyme or reason to this. I did it out of curiosity and boredom; I love traveling to novel places, alone. And guess what – it’s entirely possible to go to Antarctica as a tourist. Alone.
After many calls, emails, and Googling, I realized that the cost would be relatively similar to freezing my eggs. I had the money, I was not getting younger, and when else would be the best time to do it? These questions could allude to either going to Antarctica or freezing my eggs.
Making the decision was not easy. However, I did always have a rebellious side to me – getting tattoos, running off to developing countries alone, and testing my mother’s patience in many more ways was not new to me. I’d taken risks like running off to Argentina in third year university when my marks were barely passable, and I’d tried everything I could to have my father die as terribly as possible (he died better, unfortunately).
So why was I obsessed with freezing my eggs? Going to Antarctica would have been the epitome of my adventures so far – the novelty of it, the strangeness of it, the mystery of it all. And wanting to freeze my eggs was literally my subconsciousness’ way of telling me about how well society had molded my thoughts and wants in life. It was pulling me back to the safe zone of fear and a mindset of lack.
Just like joining the huge, safe, risk-averse company I was in (literally – it was a mutual fund company), I would be picking the side of safety rather than see what the other side of fear and curiosity would offer.
After asking nearly every single friend I had about what I should do (and getting the answers I expected), I went with exploring the unknown. I decided that I should have faith that one day if I wanted to start a family of my own, I’ll have the chance to do it with someone that was my life partner, using my own eggs or not.
On February 16th, 2016, I let go of my fear and skipped off to Antarctica, alone. What happened there, the incredible things I witnessed, and the experiences I had are still difficult to capture into words. Pictures never do anything justice, but posts to come will attempt to do so.
After my bout in Antarctica, I went on to eventually quit my safe and stable job to go back into the world of small business, joining a boutique branding firm for a position of my career’s dreams – for it to wind down 6 months after (but that’s a story for next time).
If I hadn’t taken that risk to go to Antarctica, I would probably still be wondering about it. I would not have met the 3 friends I later went to the Arctic with, and they would not have been there to convince me to quit my 9-5 and live in the north of Canada guiding people to see the northern lights, go dogsledding, ice fishing, and snowmobiling.
You know how they say that most of our fears never come true? Well, much later I was able to discover just how fertile I really am. And that was another set of fears.
Life will keep throwing you different fears – and in many words put into one – excuses. They will hold you back from doing your best and being the best version of yourself. Use your amygdala like a muscle – ignore it and just go for it. What’s the worst that can happen? Take calculated risks, and think of what you’d imagine when you’re on your deathbed or what you’d like written in your eulogy.
You will never have the same moment, ever again, to make a decision with the same amount of resources or timing to make that same decision again. Make the best of it and live your life to the fullest.
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